Tag: understanding
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Another birthday, another amazing revelation
On Sept. 4, Labour Day, I turned 64. I booked the week off as vacation and looked for last-minute cancellations at campgrounds. I prefer to camp once families have taken their kids home to prepare for school — not that I have anything against kids playing, but the noise doesn’t help me relax. I need…
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Tracking reveals truth
Further to my last post about my endo asking for a week’s logging of carb intake — I get more unsettling clarity. I’ve condensed this to just show fast-acting insulin shots for carbs and corrections. My usual diet is no breakfast, a homemade egg mcmuffin (English muffin, 1 egg, mayo, bacon), a big green salad…
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Great one day, lousy the next — What gives?
About a month ago, my endocrinologist asked me to keep notes each day on my carb consumption so he or associates can get a better track on my glucose numbers. At the time, they were looking at my glucose history through Clarity, the online history of Dexcom — the continuous glucose monitor I use. At…
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Today’s illnesses have roots in the past
On this whole healing journey, I’ve tried to remain conscious of how current behaviours affect my physical/emotional health. Because, as you may know by now, I believe our bodies and minds are connected. If I’m unwell emotionally, it shows up in my body. It’s no coincidence that I suffer from anxiety/depression as well as type…
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When adults regress to child behaviour
This week I revisited my youth, at least emotionally. I’ve been thinking about regression lately, spurred by reviewing ideas put forward by John Lee in his excellent book, “>Grow Yourself Back Up, and I’ve been looking for instances where I’ve returned to child-like attitudes or behaviour. It happened — no surprise — at work. Our…
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A taboo subject, and it’s a crying shame
My grandfather Many families avoid talking about feelings. They distract with humour, talk sports, drink booze or just avoid each other when emotions are strong. Solitude can be your only companion when terrible things happen. While it’s tempting to call on a family member at times like this, you just know you’re not going to…
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A triumphant return to fasting
I haven’t fasted since I was in hospital two months ago, mainly because I lacked confidence to mess with the status quo. I’ve been scared. Years ago, I fasted while balancing long- and short-term insulin. Still, now I feel unsure. That stint in hospital really scared me. Jardiance was the culprit this time — I…
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Emotional trip-wires
I tell myself I can’t feel buried emotions — they’re trapped underneath an avalanche of denial, unworthiness, habitual avoidance. I’m stuck with the residual effects of prolonged blocking of sadness, anger, frustration, grief. These effects of saying “NO!” to emotions has taken over my body. The amping up of my hormonal system has thrown my…
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Unpacking the baggage of childhood
What old emotions have you been lugging around since childhood? This week, I’m reminded that parts of my emotional self haven’t grown up at all. I’m easily triggered to feel shame, guilt and humiliation even when things gone wrong have nothing to do with me. Children are narcissists: They think many bad things that happen…
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Why am I so defensive with doctors?
It’s a good question, and one that prompts an epiphany: How would it be if I could work collaboratively doctors on the disease that’s present in my body? How would it be if I didn’t argue with every suggestion presented to me? Why do I want to shut down whenever a guy in a white…
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Little mysteries
Having a Dexcom continuous glucose monitor (or similar device) opens up a window into your body’s reactions to all sorts of things. In my case, I see little bumps of glucose that come alongside pulses of deep stress. These bumps are worth noting, and I try to align them with what I was doing or…
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Getting the right kind of attention.
I have a couple seemingly random topics that may not be as disparate as I first thought. These are both part of how I’m processing my recent health crisis. And I don’t know if this is normal, but now my physical issues are somewhat resolved, I am grappling with the emotional side of recovery. My…
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Diabetes brings me to hospital
The diabetes journey has its unexpected twists and turns, and this weekend I found myself in the intensive care unit suffering from a potentially deadly complication, diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA). In retrospect, I can see how things may have gone wrong. I had good intentions in resisting long-acting insulin, seeing it as a sure-fire way to…
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“I didn’t know any better”
I’m watching cold case shows on a streaming service. The cases feature interviews with people who witnessed crimes, often domestic abuse, when they were children. A drunk dad beats up a mom, then later apologizes and they make up again. This cycle becomes normal in the household until Dad kills Mom. Children, the innocent witnesses,…
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I had a panic attack
I think a panic attack is the only way to describe my reaction to yesterday’s virtual doctor’s appointment. I didn’t fall apart on the outside, but man, inside I was freaking out. I somehow had the idea that the doctor or his assistant would say something positive about my blood tests — but all I…
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Changes are a-coming
Haven’t been posting much because my work is currently draining my energy every day. But that will soon change, as within the next month I’ll be moving to a less physically taxing and more collaborative job at the retail store. I’m hoping it means I’ll have a little bit of energy in store at the…
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Workplace conflict evokes spaghetti memories
As you can see from the previous post, I’ve done years of work trying to connect my past with my present, linking current behaviours with my what’s happened to me in childhood. Something happened yesterday that shows that…maybe…my brain is getting rewired. My emotions, like the difficult one of anger, are linked to earlier events…
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A fresh start…and trusting fate
This whole week between Christmas and New Year feels like “Hurry Up and Wait.” Now it’s over. Happy New Years Day to all of you. Now we can get on with 2023, and all that that entails. I’m feeling quite positive, what with my upgrade to full-time work at my retail outlet and a change…
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The power of being heard
There’s a seismic shift that happens in me when someone says, “I hear you, I believe you. I know what you say is the truth.” At the same time, there’s a destructive power that can shred a soul when we feel we’re not believed, when someone talks over us and clearly doesn’t want to hear…
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What “too much drama” really means
They say death brings out the worst in families. Or maybe it’s just my experience that prompts me to say that. As you can see from his photo, my dad was a kind and loving man. Even though he died in 2008, I still feel his soft, loving presence. He avoided conflict. He didn’t like…
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Logic vs Emotion. Does it have to be one or the other?
There’s a popular notion that some people are logical and others emotional. Do you identify with one or the other? Stuffing your emotions down inside will lead to illness like heart attacks, headaches, ulcers, alcoholism and addictions. In my case, buried emotions elevated my blood glucose to the point I’m diabetic. I had a childhood…
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Adjusting to change
Gemma and I are both adjusting to the new living room, and one of us appears confused at the changes made. I’m sure, over a couple days, things will settle and perhaps I’ll be forgiven. I brought home a new 75-inch TV yesterday and it became clear that I had no furniture long enough to…