Tag: writing
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Great one day, lousy the next — What gives?
About a month ago, my endocrinologist asked me to keep notes each day on my carb consumption so he or associates can get a better track on my glucose numbers. At the time, they were looking at my glucose history through Clarity, the online history of Dexcom — the continuous glucose monitor I use. At…
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When adults regress to child behaviour
This week I revisited my youth, at least emotionally. I’ve been thinking about regression lately, spurred by reviewing ideas put forward by John Lee in his excellent book, “>Grow Yourself Back Up, and I’ve been looking for instances where I’ve returned to child-like attitudes or behaviour. It happened — no surprise — at work. Our…
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“I remember your work”
I was raised to be small, to avoid the spotlight and be modest about my accomplishments. The worst character flaw in my mother’s eyes was conceit, so I’ve lived most of my life in the shadows, or so I thought. Something happened this week that made me realize that others don’t share my self-deprecating view…
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Thank God for Dogs
Today I awoke to news that my little rescue dog Pete is of champion lineage — a distant cousin named Buddy Holly won the “best in show” at Westminster Dog Show last night. When I drove all the way from B.C. to California in November, I’m sure a few friends thought me nuts. But my…
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An excerpt from my memoir, Lovesick
The good thing about being home is the free camping spot, complete with a bathroom, laundry and electrical connections. The bad thing is I’m forced to look at this house that I’ve grown to hate. It continues to get showings but these people are just looking and not buying. I’m happy to return to regular…
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Emotional trip-wires
I tell myself I can’t feel buried emotions — they’re trapped underneath an avalanche of denial, unworthiness, habitual avoidance. I’m stuck with the residual effects of prolonged blocking of sadness, anger, frustration, grief. These effects of saying “NO!” to emotions has taken over my body. The amping up of my hormonal system has thrown my…
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Why am I so defensive with doctors?
It’s a good question, and one that prompts an epiphany: How would it be if I could work collaboratively doctors on the disease that’s present in my body? How would it be if I didn’t argue with every suggestion presented to me? Why do I want to shut down whenever a guy in a white…
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Navigating health issues, the revival of a creative project and a lost ID
I guess the good news is I’m still taking the long-acting insulin, Basaglar. I also haven’t gained a ton of weight. I’m trying to be a good diabetic. That last bout of ketoacidosis and subsequent visit to the intensive care unit straightened out my attitude. For now. The bad news is it’s making me break…
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Getting the right kind of attention.
I have a couple seemingly random topics that may not be as disparate as I first thought. These are both part of how I’m processing my recent health crisis. And I don’t know if this is normal, but now my physical issues are somewhat resolved, I am grappling with the emotional side of recovery. My…
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“I didn’t know any better”
I’m watching cold case shows on a streaming service. The cases feature interviews with people who witnessed crimes, often domestic abuse, when they were children. A drunk dad beats up a mom, then later apologizes and they make up again. This cycle becomes normal in the household until Dad kills Mom. Children, the innocent witnesses,…
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Changes are a-coming
Haven’t been posting much because my work is currently draining my energy every day. But that will soon change, as within the next month I’ll be moving to a less physically taxing and more collaborative job at the retail store. I’m hoping it means I’ll have a little bit of energy in store at the…
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Going old school with bathroom scales
Remember those doctor’s scales where you couldn’t cheat on your body weight? Those annoying weights, a big one and little one, slid along the bar until the tip dropped, then you had to edge them back until the tip floated in space in the middle of a metal square. I had one of those a…
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The discomfort of leadership
I’ve never felt like a leader, preferring instead to let others go to the forefront while I offer support from the rear. I’m taking a lead in something I’m calling Emotional Diabetes, and in this role I often feel uncomfortable, self-conscious and alone. Who am I to forge into the daunting field of medical diagnoses?…
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Birth of a memoir & blog
Early on, I displayed a talent for writing. When I was 10 years old, my composition Journey to Marshmallow Planet made the rounds in the staff room. The only detail I recall was the difficulty in landing because space ships kept bouncing off. One teacher noted on a report card: “Sandra has a flair for…
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Where I am now
I only realized I had stress-induced glucose spikes in 2016, after I got a continuous glucose meter (Dexcom). At Christmas of that year, I visited a family friend and she mentioned that one of my siblings had recently dropped by for a visit. Within minutes (the CGM takes measurements every 5 minutes) the alarm on…