Emotional Diabetes

This whole week between Christmas and New Year feels like “Hurry Up and Wait.” Now it’s over. Happy New Years Day to all of you.

Now we can get on with 2023, and all that that entails. I’m feeling quite positive, what with my upgrade to full-time work at my retail outlet and a change of duties. Nothing is really ever permanent there because of chronic staff shortages, but I’ve switched for now from being the cosmetic department associate to an online picker. The new duties include pushing a cart around the store grabbing items to fill online orders. Instead of a 7 am-3:30 pm day, I clock in at 5 am and leave at 1:30 pm. Yesterday, my first day with earlier hours and new duties, went well. We’ll see how long it is before they haul me back to cosmetics. It’s the top department for theft and having someone there on a consistent basis helps keep shoplifters at bay.

My glucose has been high through the holidays. It’s frustrating to have little or no reaction after injecting a ton of insulin — but I’m used ot these stress reactions now. Funny, last night I had a dream where some medical woman brushed off the amount of insulin I use daily, asking “Are you SURE you have diabetes?” Yeah. I’m sure. And no it’s not in my family and the spikes align with stress. It’s emotional, of that I’m sure.

I’ve got a few paths I’d like to follow this year in hopes I can find help with stress. The first, as I’ve mentioned, is yoga. I tried my first session on Christmas Day via a YouTube practitioner. When she asked “How do you feel?” I felt a strange thing — a sudden urge to cry. I didn’t. Instead, I sneezed. I want to get that historic trauma out of my body, but the thought or purging it is similar to knowing you need to barf up that nasty Chinese food you ate a few hours ago. You put up with the unpleasant feelings as long as you can. And with emotions held in the body, it has become a way of life. Overturning that inclination to stuff down anger, sadness and other “bad” emotions is difficult. Stuffing it all inside is so unhealthy — just look at my blood glucose. That fight-or-flight impulse jacked up my glucose repeatedly, to the point where the fire hose (the pancreas spewing out insulin) doesn’t work like it should to extinguish the blaze.

The other tool I’ve used in the past and will return to this year is therapeutic massage. The woman I went to a few years ago isn’t taking any new patients so I’ll have to find someone else. My benefits now cover things like this, and there appears to be a bunch of practices within a mile of home. I’m also wondering about acupuncture, and I’d like to see if it assists in emotional release.

I noticed something strange yesterday — three people I work with, and with whom I’d learned to ignore, started treating me with respect. Three! One actually called me by name laughed as I made an offhand comment about something. Another asked me a question without the usual scowl. And the third, who seems chronically depressed and oblivious to my presence, had several conversations with me through the day on how I’m doing, and whether they should also leave their department and join the online crew.

The only thing I can think of is something in me has changed, and I’m somehow encouraging others to engage with me. That’s a good development.

In terms of a stress-reduced lifestyle, I’d really love to find an affordable small trailer for camping in the woods. There are many places a couple hours north of home that I’d like to explore. I need a heater. I don’t need a shower. Pit toilets are fine, but I could also put my compostable toilet (currently stored in my crawlspace) back into service. I don’t mind rain and cool temps if I have a comfy place to sit and read or write in the warmth of a propane heater or a campfire. Indoor warmth will open up the shoulder seasons for camping, and I want to get out into the woods as soon as the sunshine returns.

I’m also waiting to see what happens with my new diabetes specialist. I’m hearing more good things about the pharmaceutical Ozempic. It can be used with insulin and is supposed to help people lose weight while improving blood glucose. But Metformin is supposed to have similar effects, and I haven’t seen any weight loss. We’ll have to see and trust it will all turn out fine.