Tag: sadness
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Great one day, lousy the next — What gives?
About a month ago, my endocrinologist asked me to keep notes each day on my carb consumption so he or associates can get a better track on my glucose numbers. At the time, they were looking at my glucose history through Clarity, the online history of Dexcom — the continuous glucose monitor I use. At…
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Today’s illnesses have roots in the past
On this whole healing journey, I’ve tried to remain conscious of how current behaviours affect my physical/emotional health. Because, as you may know by now, I believe our bodies and minds are connected. If I’m unwell emotionally, it shows up in my body. It’s no coincidence that I suffer from anxiety/depression as well as type…
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When adults regress to child behaviour
This week I revisited my youth, at least emotionally. I’ve been thinking about regression lately, spurred by reviewing ideas put forward by John Lee in his excellent book, “>Grow Yourself Back Up, and I’ve been looking for instances where I’ve returned to child-like attitudes or behaviour. It happened — no surprise — at work. Our…
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An excerpt from my memoir, Lovesick
The good thing about being home is the free camping spot, complete with a bathroom, laundry and electrical connections. The bad thing is I’m forced to look at this house that I’ve grown to hate. It continues to get showings but these people are just looking and not buying. I’m happy to return to regular…
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Unpacking the baggage of childhood
What old emotions have you been lugging around since childhood? This week, I’m reminded that parts of my emotional self haven’t grown up at all. I’m easily triggered to feel shame, guilt and humiliation even when things gone wrong have nothing to do with me. Children are narcissists: They think many bad things that happen…
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Why am I so defensive with doctors?
It’s a good question, and one that prompts an epiphany: How would it be if I could work collaboratively doctors on the disease that’s present in my body? How would it be if I didn’t argue with every suggestion presented to me? Why do I want to shut down whenever a guy in a white…
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Getting the right kind of attention.
I have a couple seemingly random topics that may not be as disparate as I first thought. These are both part of how I’m processing my recent health crisis. And I don’t know if this is normal, but now my physical issues are somewhat resolved, I am grappling with the emotional side of recovery. My…
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Workplace conflict evokes spaghetti memories
As you can see from the previous post, I’ve done years of work trying to connect my past with my present, linking current behaviours with my what’s happened to me in childhood. Something happened yesterday that shows that…maybe…my brain is getting rewired. My emotions, like the difficult one of anger, are linked to earlier events…
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Going old school with bathroom scales
Remember those doctor’s scales where you couldn’t cheat on your body weight? Those annoying weights, a big one and little one, slid along the bar until the tip dropped, then you had to edge them back until the tip floated in space in the middle of a metal square. I had one of those a…
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The discomfort of leadership
I’ve never felt like a leader, preferring instead to let others go to the forefront while I offer support from the rear. I’m taking a lead in something I’m calling Emotional Diabetes, and in this role I often feel uncomfortable, self-conscious and alone. Who am I to forge into the daunting field of medical diagnoses?…
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A fresh start…and trusting fate
This whole week between Christmas and New Year feels like “Hurry Up and Wait.” Now it’s over. Happy New Years Day to all of you. Now we can get on with 2023, and all that that entails. I’m feeling quite positive, what with my upgrade to full-time work at my retail outlet and a change…
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The worst time of the year
Not to be a downer but Christmas isn’t a great season for a lot of people. I’m one of them. I have a job where I see lots of men wandering, lost, in the cosmetic department. I find it so touching when a man struggles to buy a woman eye shadow. I assure them that…
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Riding the waves of an avalanche
I’ve had a shitload of emotional stuff to navigate over the last eight days, but I’ve been aware of my body’s responses and tried to be kind to myself, and in the end of this ordeal, I think I’ll be happier and emotionally healthier. My neighbour Evelyn’s death was a shock, absolutely. Her son and…
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How do you feel?
Sounds like a silly question, but it can get complicated fast. Clearly, if you’ve been reading this blog for awhile (and thank you if you have) you’ll see that I attribute many of my glucose spikes to hidden emotion. The emotions that I hide from myself fall in the spectrum of anger, sadness, grief and…
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Shame
I watch a lot of TV shows on the universe, and am intrigued by an interstellar material called dark matter. They say it’s everywhere but we can’t see it. It skews what we see through telescopes and throws into question everything we thought we knew about astrophysics. On an emotional level I see an equivalent.…