Tag: memoir
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A death too close to home
My neighbour Evelyn died last evening. She’d been feeling unwell for a couple days. I’d planned to drive her to a medical appointment yesterday but she cancelled, fearing she’d collapse. I’ve been driving her to errands and appointments for awhile now. But mostly, I’d pop in just to visit with her. She was 12 years…
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What “too much drama” really means
They say death brings out the worst in families. Or maybe it’s just my experience that prompts me to say that. As you can see from his photo, my dad was a kind and loving man. Even though he died in 2008, I still feel his soft, loving presence. He avoided conflict. He didn’t like…
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How do you feel?
Sounds like a silly question, but it can get complicated fast. Clearly, if you’ve been reading this blog for awhile (and thank you if you have) you’ll see that I attribute many of my glucose spikes to hidden emotion. The emotions that I hide from myself fall in the spectrum of anger, sadness, grief and…
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The masks we wear
When I was in high school, my creative writing teacher — acclaimed Canadian writer Jack Hodgins — asked me to do something strange. I was the first one in class, always, because two of my afternoon classes were in the same room. He put a chair on top of a table and asked me to…
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An old friend is new again
I went to my old beach yesterday, the one where I found solace, comfort, entertainment and refuge as a child. I’ve been there a few times over recent weeks and it occurs to me that the new path over a government easement means I’ll be able to forge a new relationship with this bit of…
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Adjusting to change
Gemma and I are both adjusting to the new living room, and one of us appears confused at the changes made. I’m sure, over a couple days, things will settle and perhaps I’ll be forgiven. I brought home a new 75-inch TV yesterday and it became clear that I had no furniture long enough to…
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Managing Emotional Resistance
I’m trying to figure out why I get stuck in thought, stuck in emotion, stuck facing the challenge of asking for help when it’s obvious to everyone else that I need it. The obvious answer is internal resistance, but why is it there? I’m sure at a basic level, resistance keeps us safe. The first…
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Birth of a memoir & blog
Early on, I displayed a talent for writing. When I was 10 years old, my composition Journey to Marshmallow Planet made the rounds in the staff room. The only detail I recall was the difficulty in landing because space ships kept bouncing off. One teacher noted on a report card: “Sandra has a flair for…
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Shame
I watch a lot of TV shows on the universe, and am intrigued by an interstellar material called dark matter. They say it’s everywhere but we can’t see it. It skews what we see through telescopes and throws into question everything we thought we knew about astrophysics. On an emotional level I see an equivalent.…
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You can go home again, but it might hurt
I was restless this morning, finding my life is again at a crossroads. What to do with my day? Not a Netflix day. I didn’t want to see friends. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts, but still stimulated. So I loaded the kayak onto the car and set off for Cedar, a rural…
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Does the wilderness bring calm or panic?
My awareness of the dynamics of stress responses in my body, the kind that push my blood glucose up, the kind I can’t yet feel consciously but want to so I can heal, emotionally and physically. Last week I drove a friend into the deep woods, away from cell phone signals, two-lane roads and the…
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Lovesick: My Journey Through Emotional Diabetes (an excerpt from a book in progress)
by Sandra McCulloch sandradianemcculloch(at)gmail.com Foreword When I turn forty-five, my doctor runs a series of mid-life blood tests. Everything comes back fine, except for the levels of glucose in the blood. I’m shocked to learn I’m diabetic. He says I have type 2 diabetes, where insulin resistance keeps blood glucose from getting from blood and…