Emotional Diabetes

I am at a crucial point in health management and, for lack of other options, I’m going to — again — change my diet plan.

Let me back up for newcomers. I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes 20 years ago. My first A1C test was 9%, which indicates I’d had high glucose for many years prior. There was no diabetes in my family. “It’s just you,” my mother said. That comment hurt at the time, because I’d always felt isolated in my family. But as I quote the great modern-day prophet Taylor Swift, “You’re on your own kid, always have been,” I now take that reality in a more positive light. I can look after myself, and that’s not a bad thing.

Oral meds didn’t work so I quickly went onto insulin. (First clue that maybe what I’m going through isn’t common.) My starting dose of insulin was 24 units a day, and I injected 12 twice a day. Over time, my waking glucose levels changed and I increased the units to keep it in range. Things were pretty predictable, but I still struggled to keep my A1C test (a 3-month average of glucose levels) at an acceptable level.

I was always bugged by the question of where the insulin resistance came from. Research indicated that early childhood stress can be a factor. I also got education on somatic experiencing, or how we hold stress in our bodies. I learned to meditate. I got a Dexcom glucose meter and watched the non-food fluctuations in glucose, wondering where they came from. I learned about conflict and became a mediator. I was a volunteer counsellor at a local family association. I basically got into people, and learned how we deal with the messy stuff of our lives. I read books by Gabor Mate, Norman Doige and Bessel Van Der Kolk.

I also wrote a memoir, and tracked my life from my earliest memories. Somewhere in there are the roots to my illness. The more I learned, the more I realized that autoimmune diseases don’t just happen. Early childhood trauma can occur when an infant feels abandoned — doesn’t matter if they are, just the feeling that they’ve been left to cry themselves back to sleep is enough to mess them up. The experts say emotional neglect in children can be as damaging as physical abuse. Even cancer seems, in some cases, to have an origin in trauma. This latter revelation confirmed what I’ve seen that myself over the years, when people I knew suffered from a car crash, then got cancer. Intoxicants like drugs or alcohol can soothe anxiety but can lead to a host of issues. I quit alcohol because the comfort it brought me was short-lived while the toll of the addiction affected jobs, families and my feelings of self worth. As of Oct. 5, I’ll be five years sober.

Anxiety results in the adrenal glands (near the kidneys) releasing a flood of the hormones cortisol and adrenalin. This is what’s happening when a sudden danger presents itself — a car crash, a physical or emotional trauma, a feeling that you need to flee to stay safe. The other side of this is insulin, a hormone originating from the pancreas that resets the system. It’s like a fire extinguisher putting out the flames of trauma. This cycle is often referred to as “fight or flight” and “rest and digest.”

Note the “digest” phase here, because a person who gets stuck in “fight or flight” can’t digest food properly. And plenty of people are in this situation. Years of trauma upon trauma have left them with anxiety and depression and no place to find comfort. There’s no rest and no digest.

Now let’s look at insulin resistance, the monster behind what we call type 2 diabetes. Sufferers of this disease have plenty of glucose in their bloodstream — but that glucose can’t get into the tissues. There’s no door. There’s a wall. Injecting more insulin jams some of the glucose through, but there are costs. Injecting insulin can make you fat. The insulin takes excess glucose out of the bloodstream and stores it in your fat cells. There are some therapies that can deal directly with insulin resistance and there are two instances I want to share with you.

The first was during my “inner child” work, where I learned to meditate and imagined I was an infant being held by my mother. I transformed her into a demonstrative loving mother, and felt myself cuddled in her arms. I smelled her smell. I heard her voice speaking in loving tones. I emerged from the meditation and found my glucose had dropped precipitously during that period. As I watched and the effects of the meditation dissipated, the numbers returned to their high normal. I was fascinated. I tried it again, and returned to that place of being held by a loving mother. The numbers dropped again. It was no glitch. The insulin resistance released its grip as I had meditated.

The other instance was about exercise. I’d long experienced glucose spikes during exercise. I know exercise makes glucose drop for many people, but mine always shot upwards for no apparent reason. I took a course by Irene Lyon on repairing the nervous system. One of the elements was learning to stay present and not drift off into memories, imaginings, and emotional issues. On one particular uphill hike, I focused on the cool air entering my lungs, the ground under my feet, the view of leaves fluttering in the breeze. When I got to the top, I checked my glucose. On every other occasion, it would have been high. I was astonished to see it was level, and had not spiked despite the exertion. That event “broke” the exercise spike routine, and I’ve never suffered an exercise-induced glucose spike since. I realized my thoughts of the past, of old family fights and feelings of inadequacy had been at play. Exertion seemed to trigger trouble. I learned that staying present was a factor that addressed insulin resistance.

There are some drugs that are supposed to send excess glucose out in urine, but they’re not for everybody. On my third day of taking Jardiance, one of those drugs, I landed in hospital with ketoacidosis, an illness where the body’s pH turns acidic. It’s life threatening and it’s a Type 1 thing. I’ve had it twice so my diagnosis changed to T1. Type 1 diabetics are ill due to the pancreas not creating enough natural insulin, so injections are necessary.

After that last stint in hospital I stopped being stingy with insulin, and as I feared, I gained weight — about 40 lbs over 16 months. I’ve now lost 20 lbs through extended fasts and expect to get back down to normal by my October doctor’s appointment. It can be done. Fasting is the only way I can lose weight, and it’s safe as long as I watch my glucose levels like a hawk.

But the weird thing, and I’m sorry it’s taken so much blathering to get to my questions, is what’s happened to my glucose levels this year. With no known provocation, (I eat low carb), my glucose levels climbed Mt. Everest. The insulin I use to cover the 24-hour period, or basal, amount had to be adjusted daily from 30-something up to 80 units a day. Whaaat??? I told my endocrinologist about this but got no explanation or direction on what to do. It seemed like their response was a big shrug and I needed ANSWERS.

That’s when I decided to deal with the excess weight. I started cycling through 48-hour fasts, eating a protein dinner ever second night. Actually, it was just a pork chop. By the time I saw my endo I’d lost 12 lbs and my insulin requirements were dropping, and my glucose flat-lining. He turns out to support fasting, a rarity among doctors I’ve met. So I launched into a series of four- and five-day fasts. Now I’m down 20 lbs. But the truly weird thing is that slow climb of glucose reversed itself. I went from 80 units a day down to 10 units — that’s lower than my starting dose 20 years ago. I was quelling excitement that I might go off insulin altogether.

That tantalizing thought obsessed me up until the last few days, until the glucose began climbing again. I’m struggling to keep up with the insulin doses. Nothing I’m aware of has changed. And the glucose levels are stubborning staying high, despite recurring doses of corrective, fast-acting glucose. My great numbers and the promise of a stellar A1C are dissipating before my eyes. I’ve been scouring the internet looking for causes behind slow, persistent climbs and drops in glucose and found nothing. I don’t know the cause, and I consider myself better than average at research — thanks to a career in journalism. But I’m stumped, and I don’t like this feeling.

So I’m switching gears. I’ll continue to fast back down to my starting weight of 140-150ish. I plan to knock off another 10 lbs, and be 30 lbs down by my birthday next month and all the way to 40 lbs down by the doctor appointment in October. And I’m willing to change what I eat. Those pork chops caused glucose spikes, and protein isn’t “supposed” to do that. The endo said too much protein acts like a carb, but ONE pork chop is too much? Fasting allows me to isolate one element of my diet, and I’ve learned that it may not be the healthy carbs that raise my glucose. Maybe it’s actually the pork, chicken, beef and shrimp.

So this morning I found there’s a diet plan (vegetarian) that claims to address insulin resistance. It may be bogus, but I’m buying the book. What have I got to lose — I already have a collection of health books as you can see in the picture, so what’s wrong with one more. Besides I’m intrigued by the thought that insulin resistance can be addressed by diet. It’s different from my current low-carb regime. This one “green lights” all veggies and fruits. But there’s no meat or seafood. I’ll give it a try.

I also have taken a challenge from author and researcher Terry Wahl, who believes macronutrients are key to addressing many autoimmune diseases. (She has apparently reversed and stabilized multiple scleroses through eating highly nutritious foods. And she’s got the credentials to back up her claims, being a doctor and professor at a major university.) That challenge she put forward was eating 200 different veggies over a year. That’s intriguing. I can try that.

As for the memoir, it lacks a last chapter. I’m hoping a final resolution is around the corner. This may be it.