Tag: frustration
-
A triumphant return to fasting
I haven’t fasted since I was in hospital two months ago, mainly because I lacked confidence to mess with the status quo. I’ve been scared. Years ago, I fasted while balancing long- and short-term insulin. Still, now I feel unsure. That stint in hospital really scared me. Jardiance was the culprit this time — I…
-
Emotional trip-wires
I tell myself I can’t feel buried emotions — they’re trapped underneath an avalanche of denial, unworthiness, habitual avoidance. I’m stuck with the residual effects of prolonged blocking of sadness, anger, frustration, grief. These effects of saying “NO!” to emotions has taken over my body. The amping up of my hormonal system has thrown my…
-
Unpacking the baggage of childhood
What old emotions have you been lugging around since childhood? This week, I’m reminded that parts of my emotional self haven’t grown up at all. I’m easily triggered to feel shame, guilt and humiliation even when things gone wrong have nothing to do with me. Children are narcissists: They think many bad things that happen…
-
What is this madness?
I know it’s supposed to be a wonderful addition to my depleted system, but today I swear my long-acting insulin Levemir tried to do me in. First off, you need to understand that I ate cheesecake yesterday and my blood sugar was a little higher overnight as a result. I love cheesecake and feel it’s…
-
Navigating health issues, the revival of a creative project and a lost ID
I guess the good news is I’m still taking the long-acting insulin, Basaglar. I also haven’t gained a ton of weight. I’m trying to be a good diabetic. That last bout of ketoacidosis and subsequent visit to the intensive care unit straightened out my attitude. For now. The bad news is it’s making me break…
-
“I didn’t know any better”
I’m watching cold case shows on a streaming service. The cases feature interviews with people who witnessed crimes, often domestic abuse, when they were children. A drunk dad beats up a mom, then later apologizes and they make up again. This cycle becomes normal in the household until Dad kills Mom. Children, the innocent witnesses,…
-
I had a panic attack
I think a panic attack is the only way to describe my reaction to yesterday’s virtual doctor’s appointment. I didn’t fall apart on the outside, but man, inside I was freaking out. I somehow had the idea that the doctor or his assistant would say something positive about my blood tests — but all I…
-
Changes are a-coming
Haven’t been posting much because my work is currently draining my energy every day. But that will soon change, as within the next month I’ll be moving to a less physically taxing and more collaborative job at the retail store. I’m hoping it means I’ll have a little bit of energy in store at the…
-
The discomfort of leadership
I’ve never felt like a leader, preferring instead to let others go to the forefront while I offer support from the rear. I’m taking a lead in something I’m calling Emotional Diabetes, and in this role I often feel uncomfortable, self-conscious and alone. Who am I to forge into the daunting field of medical diagnoses?…
-
What is strength?
To be truthful, that last post about my dad’s death knocked me flat for a few days. I’ve told the story many times before but never has it flowed so freely. It seemed to come from another place — I was merely the conduit. I’ve read it a few times and wondered how I gained…
-
A pain in the pants
I was dressing for work this morning when I realized, with dismay, that I forgot to transfer my work clothes from the washer to the dryer. I wear jeans and a white t-shirt to my part-time job at a large retail outlet, and currently I only fit in one pair of jeans. They are size…