Category: Uncategorized
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What is self-love? And why is it so elusive?
The most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself. I know that doesn’t make sense — you’re one person, so how can you have a relationship with yourself? Well, there’s you. Then there’s that voice in your head that calls you out over mistakes, raises doubts over your abilities and…
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About that blame and shame…
I mentioned in the last post the blame and shame surrounding diabetes, how it’s unlike any other medical condition. Patients are often targeted by media, friends and family for being the victim of their own poor choices. The blame/shame game is part of the emotional issues that can increase your emotional response and heighten your…
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A pain in the pants
I was dressing for work this morning when I realized, with dismay, that I forgot to transfer my work clothes from the washer to the dryer. I wear jeans and a white t-shirt to my part-time job at a large retail outlet, and currently I only fit in one pair of jeans. They are size…
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Adjusting to change
Gemma and I are both adjusting to the new living room, and one of us appears confused at the changes made. I’m sure, over a couple days, things will settle and perhaps I’ll be forgiven. I brought home a new 75-inch TV yesterday and it became clear that I had no furniture long enough to…
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Letting go of an emotional purchase
It came into my life at a difficult time. Twenty years ago, my husband left with my dog, and I struggled to cope. My immediate instinct was to make sense of my environment. I dragged the ex’s old plaid couch/sofa bed outside and lit it on fire. I was impressed at how little was left…
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Facebook
Have you seen my Facebook page called Emotional Diabetes? Check out the links posted there. And of course please follow!
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It’s almost as though…
…my childhood playground of the rocks and the beach were a supportive character in my early life and remain so today. The permanence of the glacier-scraped sandstone, the jewels of the tidal pools and the reassurance that the tides will continue to go in and out are all integrated into my soul. My family may…
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Routes back to Zen
A couple of things and they may or may not be related. A few days ago, I was making a list of things, people and places I use to calm me down. It’s a good exercise because it gets me thinking of ways to get me settled when I feel unsettled. Usually I just wait…
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Managing Emotional Resistance
I’m trying to figure out why I get stuck in thought, stuck in emotion, stuck facing the challenge of asking for help when it’s obvious to everyone else that I need it. The obvious answer is internal resistance, but why is it there? I’m sure at a basic level, resistance keeps us safe. The first…
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A little perspective may help
Sometimes we get so close to a problem, we can’t see it clearly. I think that’s how I am with my interest obsession with stress and glucose levels. It occurs to me that this interest obsession may in itself be causing the very stress problem I’m trying to solve. I call up the mantra I…
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Death by cheesecake
Sometimes I get tired of telling myself “No.” If I get through one day denying an impulse, it’s back again the next day with the added evil message that since I was so good the day before I really deserve a treat. I used to feel that way about alcohol, but managed to get wise…
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Frustration and cravings
Life is full of frustrations. It’s how we deal with them that matters. I’m the first to admit that I don’t handle frustrations like I should. Take today, for instance. I’ve been procrastinating doing a little plumbing work. I am not a plumber, but I’ve seen enough at work that I know it’s not all…
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Birth of a memoir & blog
Early on, I displayed a talent for writing. When I was 10 years old, my composition Journey to Marshmallow Planet made the rounds in the staff room. The only detail I recall was the difficulty in landing because space ships kept bouncing off. One teacher noted on a report card: “Sandra has a flair for…
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Thank you!
Just a note to thank my 10 subscribers, and those who “liked” a post or two as well. It takes courage to write a personal blog such as this, and your support will encourage me to continue with my posts. Writing comes easy for me, but delving into my vulnerability is hard. And it’s the…
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How did I reach the conclusion I have emotional diabetes?
Good question. Thanks for asking. First, a little backgrounder on the known types of diabetes. Type 1 occurs in people whose bodies don’t make enough insulin. It can occur in children or those later in life. Those afflicted often lose weight easily because the body needs to sustain itself through glucose or body fat. T1…
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Shame
I watch a lot of TV shows on the universe, and am intrigued by an interstellar material called dark matter. They say it’s everywhere but we can’t see it. It skews what we see through telescopes and throws into question everything we thought we knew about astrophysics. On an emotional level I see an equivalent.…
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It’s not our parents’ fault
Attributing blame to one’s parents may be a natural inclination for those suffering from childhood emotional neglect, but it would be misguided. What???? Am I forgetting who threatened to hit me with the wooden spoon (but never did), who banished me to my room because she couldn’t tolerate my emotional outbursts or who failed to…
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How would you know if buried stress adversely affects your health?
Most of us know what feelings we have each day, right? Happiness, relief, sadness, shock, frustration, anger. But what about the underlying stuff that’s elusive, that’s deep in the body and denied access to the surface by an overactive mind? An overactive mind can cause its own problems. These three-pound organs of nerve endings can…
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You can go home again, but it might hurt
I was restless this morning, finding my life is again at a crossroads. What to do with my day? Not a Netflix day. I didn’t want to see friends. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts, but still stimulated. So I loaded the kayak onto the car and set off for Cedar, a rural…
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Where I am now
I only realized I had stress-induced glucose spikes in 2016, after I got a continuous glucose meter (Dexcom). At Christmas of that year, I visited a family friend and she mentioned that one of my siblings had recently dropped by for a visit. Within minutes (the CGM takes measurements every 5 minutes) the alarm on…
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Birthday bliss, and then…a glucose spike!
Sept. 5, 2022 I tend to avoid my birthdays by escaping into nature for a period of self-reflection and orienting to nature. Last year, I went into the woods of Vancouver Island to camp near Pye Lake. This year, I followed the logging roads to the west of the highway and found a waterside six-site…
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Does the wilderness bring calm or panic?
My awareness of the dynamics of stress responses in my body, the kind that push my blood glucose up, the kind I can’t yet feel consciously but want to so I can heal, emotionally and physically. Last week I drove a friend into the deep woods, away from cell phone signals, two-lane roads and the…
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Paddling thru stressful waters
I’ve been alert to my recent discovery that a bout of anxiety (usually hidden from my consciousness) can result in three days of glucose upheaval. It’s often difficult for me to discern what exactly prompted the high glucose numbers, and I usually need to work backwards to figure out what caused the issue. A few…
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My reason for doing this blog
I got a notification today that this site has reached 50 views! Incentive to add to my story. My reason for going public on what is a very private (lonely) matter is to reach others who may be suffering a similar fate. We all have emotions, and these emotions may be easily released while others…
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Lovesick: My Journey Through Emotional Diabetes (an excerpt from a book in progress)
by Sandra McCulloch sandradianemcculloch(at)gmail.com Foreword When I turn forty-five, my doctor runs a series of mid-life blood tests. Everything comes back fine, except for the levels of glucose in the blood. I’m shocked to learn I’m diabetic. He says I have type 2 diabetes, where insulin resistance keeps blood glucose from getting from blood and…