Sometimes we get so close to a problem, we can’t see it clearly. I think that’s how I am with my interest obsession with stress and glucose levels. It occurs to me that this interest obsession may in itself be causing the very stress problem I’m trying to solve. I call up the mantra I use when sleep eludes me: Just Let Go.
I don’t think I’m alone in this worrying thing. Many other folks with autoimmune diseases worry themselves into a sicker state, which only increases the worry, and the depth of their illness.
So here I am, having just recovered from a cheesecake hangover, trying to find ways to move on.
When I walk the dog in the half-light of the early morning, I see a planet up there in the sky, and I think it’s Jupiter. I’m pretty sure Venus is over to my left, closer to the rising sun. I understand Saturn is visible up there somewhere as well. The nearest galaxy to us, Andromeda, is also apparently visible to the naked eye but I haven’t taken the time to look for it up there in the vast night sky. Did you know Andromeda and our Milky Way galaxy are on a collision course, and will clash together in something like 13 billion years?
Don’t worry too much. We won’t be here.
My morning foray with the dog reminds me that the cosmos has a lot going on — how silly of me to worry about how I was treated as a child and the state of my blood glucose.
I’m not sure why, but my morning dog walk often brings about a short but quick drop in glucose. Maybe I awake with a mind clear of worries, a clean slate for a little exercise to do its thing. I don’t know. It might not be a bad idea to cut back on worrying, if that’s possible.
I used to think I was a bad candidate for meditation. Oh, I’d say, my mind is too busy for that! But that’s the point of meditation — I’ve learned to let thoughts come and go. Sometimes I have no thoughts at all in my head. It’s quite wonderful. Anything important will come back to me, but for those few moments when I sit quietly in meditation, I can just relax.
I’ve got a film in my video library that I watch often. It’s called Heal. The film features people who are practitioners or patients of mind-body healing. Meditation plays a role in healing, including one woman’s spontaneous remission of cancer. Judge for yourself. So, if you’re interested, check out the film. It’s on various platforms.
The other movie I relate to is Rocket Man, the story of Elton John’s life. It’s an important reminder that a poor start to life can lead to extraordinary achievements later on. I’m not sure Elton John would have achieved the success he has if he’d been raised by wonderful parents. His musical expression was his outlet, and the pain he suffered resulted in music we can all relate to.
Maybe I’ve had a similar experience as a writer. I’ve been writing most of my life because I need to communicate what’s inside me. Many of my fiction stories are loosely based on my own desires. Maybe all writers are like that. We make up stuff we wish we could actually do. Or we right about things that give us nightmares, but it’s okay — it’s only make-believe.
The other thing that’s supposed to be good for mind-body connection is yoga. I’ve yet to delve into that. The idea that you’re doing stuff with your body while you focus on breathing is just too much to comprehend right now. I’ll try to be more open to things like this.
I’ve visited my childhood beach a couple times since the day I paddled my kayak into the bay. It’s lovely to sit with my back to a log in the late summer sun and watch the tide creep in. The gulls call, herons squawk and waves gurgle among the sandstone rocks. I’m reminded of the peace and tranquility that abounds in my little corner of the universe. I just need to open my heart to let it in.
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